


please learn a way to look at me

by fourshoesfrank



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Autistic Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Math, Sensory Overload, They/Them Pronouns for Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, numbers innit, sexy beholding powers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28124592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fourshoesfrank/pseuds/fourshoesfrank
Summary: Sometimes, Jon loses themself in the Eye's ocean of information.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 10
Kudos: 85





	please learn a way to look at me

**Author's Note:**

> title came from the Of Monsters and Men song “We Sink” because i misheard the lyric “So please look away, don’t look at me” as “So please learn a way to look at me” gotta love audio processing disorder 
> 
> enjoy!

Gematria is an alphanumeric code of assigning a numerical...[ **no** ]...phism is the practice of adding up the values...[ **stop it stop—** ]...different levels of fractions were denoted  minuta ...[ **no** ]  secunda ,  minuta tertia... [ ** stop  knowing ** ] ... only surreal numbers reachable via finite induction are the dyadi...[ **who’s there?** ] ...collection of...[ **who is that?** ] whose quantifiers range only over...[ **shit** ]

"Jon?"

_Hello, Martin, how are you, Martin, did you sleep well, Martin._ It should be so  easy to just open their mouth and say the damn thing, to greet their boyfriend like a normal  _fucking_ human being, but it's not. 

Jon opens their mouth and immediately begins reciting a list of numbers. They can see Martin's confusion, his small touch of fear (they can't  See this, and for once the inability to See seems a blessing) and they want to do something to communicate to Martin that they're alright, really, just come down with a bit of useless information overload. They lift their hands (the worm scars on them are proper scars again; no more eyes here), attempting to give a thumbs-up. Instead they begin to sign the numerical sequence as well. 

Most of the numbers sound like they should be English, though Jon can't be certain these days. The Eye has a tendency to randomly 'change the channel' of whatever language comes out of their mouth, so much so that apparently it happens in supposedly 'safe' places now as well. It's not a problem for Martin whenever Jon switches to Polish, but it's a pain in the ass the rest of the time. Hours of "Sorry, can you repeat that, you went a little Greek there." 

Numbers still pour forth from Jon's mouth as Martin stands there, no longer staring outright but waiting a bit impatiently for Jon to cut off the barrage of digits. Every now and then they pause, wait for something, and then resume their recitation. Martin can hear Jon's tone growing frantic, trying to stop themself from dumping all this information at once, but it's gotten out of their control. 

Sometimes, the Eye pushes a random spout of facts or figures into Jon's mind. They can either decide to suppress it, and let the words escape at any point regardless of any inconvenience this might cause; or they can blurt out the information as it arrives in their head. And what option does Jonathan Sims, Head Archivisig of the Magnus Institute, always choose? They  _always_ decide to push the new information to the back of their mind and attempt to ignore it. This always ends poorly. 

Martin can't watch this any longer. "Jon," he says, "you said you're cut off from the Eye, right? Can't you try to fight it?"

"Three four six two two six nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine..."

It takes a moment, but Martin realizes that Jon's not saying "nine" over and over; they're saying "nein," the German word for no. No, they can't fight it. Not even in this supposedly safe place. 

Martin sighs, takes Jon's skinny arm in one big hand, and gently steers them back to their room. The last thing he wants is for Annabelle Cane to come across the Archivist while they're vulnerable like this. 

The vulnerability is a new development. When Jon has their connection to the Eye, these eldritch infodumps announce themselves when all the extra eyeballs on their body start to roll in their... sockets? Do the extra eyes have proper sockets? What does Jon's skeleton look like anymore? 

Well, right before Jon's about to let loose a flood of backed-up information, all of their eyes except for the original two begin to shake uncontrollably, like they're trying to see (not See, just plain  _look at)_ everything at once. 

In Salesa's safe house, however, the extra eyes have disappeared. Sunken back into Jon's flesh. They're peppered with worm scars again, rather than creepy green peepers. Martin isn't sure which he prefers, and he doesn't really care one way or another since his opinion ultimately doesn't matter in this area. 

"...three one four one five nine two six five three five eight nine seven nine three two three eight four six two six four three two eight sixnine nine nine nine eight six nineteen." Jon practically croaks that last digit, and falls silent. This time, the quiet lasts. 

"Jon?" 

"Em," Jon responds. Okay, so maybe they're stuck thinking in terms of single characters rather than entire words. Martin can work with that. Anything to keep them from saying any more of those bloody numbers. 

"Yeah, Em," Martin says with a small smile. "And you're Jay."

"Em Kay Bee." Jon isn't looking at Martin, but their mouth also quirks up at the corners with a smile of their own. "No Kay."

"Oh, come  _on_ _,_ you already know I don't have a middle name," Martin protests. "How do you feel?"

Jon's smile disappears just as quickly as it came. "R&R," they respond. Rest and recuperation, right, good idea. Martin lets Jon situate themself on the bed before following and wrapping his arms around them. Jon doesn't exactly go to sleep, but they allow their body to relax against Martin. Like a human life preserver in the Eye's ocean of information. 

**Author's Note:**

> i am not an avatar of the b*h*ld*ng so i do not know what you thought of this unless you comment and/or leave kudos! thanks!


End file.
